Digital Masta wrote: ↑Fri Apr 01, 2022 11:32 am
That would be enough for me to go, "I'm just gonna fade out of this relationship." No official breaking it off you just kinda lose contact over time.
Maybe
I think you are generally correct though...we change and evolve over time...but if our overall morals and values and worldviews align -- we stay friends. And his worldview has just changed so much [and so drastically since meeting his wife] that we will probably drift apart. I remember thinking the same thing when I first met her 4 years ago...she would make some comments, and I just kinda dismissed it at the time.
He's gradually shifted more and more extreme left. I remember talking to him and he would make comments over the years. But we were always like - huh..I see it different than you - and nothing would really come of it past the discussion.
I think I told the story before where he was like "It is time for a female president"...and I said "Apparently not...you know, unless an old, rich, white man wins first and gives her the position" and then he hung up on me....
...but we are brothers...at least for now anyway.
Aside from him directly hurting my wife or daughter -- I would never disappear...and I'd like to think he is the same
Would your friend read a book if you suggested it? Maybe if you recommend a book and then ask him to recommend one and then you guys could talk about it. If so, I'd recommend this one:
killacross wrote: ↑Mon Apr 04, 2022 4:58 pm
A black man? Read?
Let's be honest... Has a rapper or athlete endorsed this book? I'd probably have an easier time reading it myself and turning it into a rap song.
So let me ask you this, it's something that I think everyone should do when analyzing a relationship with another person, what do you get out of being friends with him? Forget the past, right now what do you get from his friendship? Because we all enter into relationships because we get something out of being with the other person. I don't mean that in a selfish way but there's a reason you are willing to spend time with this person. It's related to that whole idea of giving and taking.
From his point of view I can see why he benefits, he gets to insult your lifestyle, he doesn't have to step up his game and then you pay for stuff and give him money. But what about you?
Like I said, forget the past. Do you benefit from having him as your friend? And I'm not telling you what to do, just giving you stuff to think about.
Honestly, I don't evaluate friendships based on that at all. I typically look at the history, and then look at the effort made in the present. He is my best friend. And probably one of the only people I would still consider a friend today. Because he MAKES the effort to keep the friendship alive. In the past 20 years..I've probably encountered 1000's of people. Of those thousands, only hundreds who are acquaintances or coworkers that I spoke to regularly. Of those hundreds, only dozens that I actually liked. Of those dozens, only low double digits of people that I would hang out with, without an outside influence (work/friend of friend/friend of family). Of those, only single digits that I would consider friends. And of those, only 3 that don't get too busy with life that they message me FIRST. Messaging me first is a big deal to me. And of those 3...he's the only one who WON'T message me because he needs something. He will message for advice...But because I am in a position that I can help and it not negatively impact my household at all..I will step in occasionally and help.
The history is what built a foundation of trust...the present effort to stay in contact keeps me engaged. His wife gets pregnant...he tells his family...then he told me first. THEN he posted it on his social media. That's big to me. When something good [or bad] happens to me. I tell him first too. He was the first person I told when we lost our 2nd baby. Him, then my family. Then Ms Thickums. Then you all here. Then coworkers when I was out for the appt. We are brothers.
And he is the only person who has permission to speak into my personal life (Ms Thickums can't do that either -- we aren't close enough and don't have the long history). I don't even allow my family of origin to do that. I shut that shit down quickly and aggressively when they do. They get very bent out of shape about it...but I'm middle-aged...and haven't depended on them for anything in almost 25 years. and having similar DNA doesn't give them the right either. Fuck them! My inlaws do it too -- but again, being married to someone with similar DNA doesn't give them privileges either...fuck them!
If my best friend does it, I hear him out...think it through...discuss it with him...then do whatever the fuck I want eventually. He does the same. And if it falls apart, we don't say I told you so....we think through the next step.
The issue that I have is that since meeting his girl...he has stopped moving forward in life and has kinda stopped and said the system isn't fair and it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do. I'm just a poor black man...and therefore a victim. He looks like a loser in my eyes. I overcame quite a bit. He overcame quite a bit. So, long story short -- we may eventually grow apart...but hopefully we don't. The benefit is that I have someone in my life that genuinely hopes I succeed in life. He has someone who hopes he succeeds in life. I think we just view success differently at the moment. I think having a child will soften him as well. But our experiences will be drastically different because of life decisions we made when we were younger. Money is a major issue for him/them -- where as money was never and will never be a deciding factor for us.
I just don't want people to believe that they HAVE to stay in relationships that go sour because the past. Relationships are active, living things and toxic people (not saying your friend is toxic) often use close relationships (in particular family) as a prison to keep people around in their orbit of toxic waste. People need to know they can leave. They have the right to leave if a relationship is no longer serving them.
I'm just too old now to waste time being around people that drain me, stress me out and don't allow me to be myself.
What do I get out of being around my friends? The enjoyable experience of their existence and they get the same from me. I hope that's how everyone feels with their friends.
If you enjoy the experience of your friend then by all means continue. You're now aware of what he's like and that will be a a part of the experience when you guys interact and as long as you are cool with that then alright. Just understand the conditions.
I do recommend at least trying to see if he would be open to some kind of reading or a video that might explain your views. It can't hurt. He may surprise you.
Last edited by Digital Masta on Wed Apr 06, 2022 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Attack on Titan anime producers are trolling the shit outta everyone that only watches the anime by having ANOTHER *final season* season airing next year lol.
Digital Masta wrote: ↑Wed Apr 06, 2022 3:02 am
The Attack on Titan anime producers are trolling the shit outta everyone that only watches the anime by having ANOTHER *final season* season airing next year lol.
Really? Ugh! I guess I fall into that camp. But I'm low key a bit happy. I don't want this anime to end. One of my best anime show for years now.
Funny you mention that cause I was just rewatching the Founder origin episode yesterday. She really got anal shafted her whole life.
These executives need to know you can only milk the Golden cow for so long. Look at Boruto, I get disgusted every time I see the anime/Manga pop up. Does anyone still follow that series?
killacross wrote: ↑Wed Apr 06, 2022 3:13 pm
And it's getting an anime only ending
But they only have like 10 chapters of source material left
.. So good
I don't think the anime only ending is confirmed. The manga has two endings, the one from the original run and the one from when the final collected chapters volume where we see the future.
You know what's funny when I was watching the clip of Bret Barr and President Zelinksy when asked about Azov Battalion? Could you imagine if Trump said " They are what they are"? He would get crucified 100x over for responding about a Neo-Nazi miltia. Lol
killacross wrote: ↑Thu Apr 07, 2022 6:19 pm
New banger. Jean Paul Galtier - Scandal. I only have a sample bottle
