There we go

killacross
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Location: NC, USA

Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Wed Nov 17, 2021 10:27 am

Haohmaru wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 1:23 am
Cancel him right now.

You get what I mean though. I'm more lets call it traditional than others I guess.
That doesn't mean I don't respect women. I grew up being thought (culturally and religiously) to respect women.
It's just the conclusion I've come to after experience. Once the balance is gone, things don't work.

Edit: typing this while driving and sleep deprived. So don't mind the typos and sleep drunk writing.
Thank you whoever invented adaptive cruise control.
I was editing the post while you were typing this. But this is what made me think of religion...again, it wasn't an insult. Just an observation

And again...I'm not offended at all. The internet is gonna internet. I take it all with a grain of salt.

Also...in your example. Do you really think your sister doesn't know that her MOTHER doesn't like her husband?
And do you really think your sister is hiding that from her HUSBAND? Do you think he is so aloof that he doesn't know himself?

And you THINK your mother doesn't do it to his face. I bet if you sat down with him for drinks and joked about it...you'd be surprised what he knows or has seen....Even personal stuff about you I'd bet.

I brought up several aspects of life. I didn't say that you can't have opinions...I said the opinions should be weighted based on outcomes. Based on objective outcomes...I'm beating out a lot of people. Where I am not doing well in life right now is my health. I am easily 30-40 lbs overweight. Probably more after the way I've been eating on this vacation. Gonna address that in the coming weeks. But in general, I don't take dieting advice from fat people...money advice from poor people....marriage advice from divorced people etc. etc. etc. If you want to PM a copy of your psychology/psychiatry degrees (PH Ds prefered btw)...I will gladly defer to you. Otherwise, what are you talking about? We are men, we talk probabilities - not possibilities. When you say..."but in this one extreme case, it is true: - you sound like a woman.

We are just a bunch of random strangers sharing our opinions on an anime internet forum

...Don't get butthurt

Finally, I've said before that I'm setting up a trust fund for my daughter. We have put $75k into it so far...with the goal being $100k total. It will grow for 20+ years before she can touch it (in our state)...but I plan to hide if from her again because she has to be notified by 22?...with the last attempt being 25? (it's been a while since I looked at it).

In a country where most are paycheck to paycheck...and have $0 savings...and a negative net worth. The PROBABILITY is that she has more...even though there's a POSSIBILITY that she does not.

Haohmaru
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2020 4:13 am

Re: There we go

Post by Haohmaru » Wed Nov 17, 2021 11:17 am

killacross wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 10:27 am
I was editing the post while you were typing this. But this is what made me think of religion...again, it wasn't an insult. Just an observation

And again...I'm not offended at all. The internet is gonna internet. I take it all with a grain of salt.

Also...in your example. Do you really think your sister doesn't know that her MOTHER doesn't like her husband?
And do you really think your sister is hiding that from her HUSBAND? Do you think he is so aloof that he doesn't know himself?

And you THINK your mother doesn't do it to his face. I bet if you sat down with him for drinks and joked about it...you'd be surprised what he knows or has seen....Even personal stuff about you I'd bet.

I brought up several aspects of life. I didn't say that you can't have opinions...I said the opinions should be weighted based on outcomes. Based on objective outcomes...I'm beating out a lot of people. Where I am not doing well in life right now is my health. I am easily 30-40 lbs overweight. Probably more after the way I've been eating on this vacation. Gonna address that in the coming weeks. But in general, I don't take dieting advice from fat people...money advice from poor people....marriage advice from divorced people etc. etc. etc. If you want to PM a copy of your psychology/psychiatry degrees (PH Ds prefered btw)...I will gladly defer to you. Otherwise, what are you talking about? We are men, we talk probabilities - not possibilities. When you say..."but in this one extreme case, it is true: - you sound like a woman.

We are just a bunch of random strangers sharing our opinions on an anime internet forum

...Don't get butthurt

Finally, I've said before that I'm setting up a trust fund for my daughter. We have put $75k into it so far...with the goal being $100k total. It will grow for 20+ years before she can touch it (in our state)...but I plan to hide if from her again because she has to be notified by 22?...with the last attempt being 25? (it's been a while since I looked at it).

In a country where most are paycheck to paycheck...and have $0 savings...and a negative net worth. The PROBABILITY is that she has more...even though there's a POSSIBILITY that she does not.
I don't take it as an insult. I just wanted you to know that my opinion on this matter isn't formed by my religious believes.

Of course my sister knows my mother doesn't like her husband personally. They're mother and daughter. They have talked about it before..
My sister doesn't have to hide anything. Her husband is smart enough to realize when someone likes him or doesn't. That wasn't the point. You didn't get the point. It's about respect. My mother doesn't disrespect him.
Even when she doesn't like him she's always respectul towards him. They're not best buddies, but they don't have to be.

That's some weird reasoning. Do you know how many professional coaches, psychiatrists or whatever field it may be aren't exactly the perfect model they should represent in their field of work.
Fat boxing coaches, not rich people giving specific economic classes. Do you think every psychiatrist has a perfect life with no stress and that they handle it perfectly.
I think that's a narrow view or whatever you call it. I'm not a native English speaker, but you get what I mean.

And you're right. I am talking possibilities. You didn't come here to get evaluated by a professional.
We're just sharing what we've experienced in our lives and what we should/would've done if we were in a similar situation.

Also I am a little overweight.. like 5 kg so take this with a grain of salt :lol:

killacross
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Location: NC, USA

Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:08 pm

Oh OK.. I missed that then. Yes, my inlaws are mad disrespectful at times. I call them out for it... My wife does not. She instead calls me out for being disrespectful to them because: we are at their house as guests or because they're older.

I have seen her correct her younger brother once before. But it was because he called me the equivalent of a nigger in Nicaraguan slang. So that's an extreme example

Of course, when he asked for money to avoid his car being repossessed like a month or 2 later... I told him No - I only have nigger money over here.

He found the money somewhere. And we actually get along well enough all these years later.

Haohmaru
Posts: 134
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Re: There we go

Post by Haohmaru » Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:37 pm

killacross wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:08 pm
Oh OK.. I missed that then. Yes, my inlaws are mad disrespectful at times. I call them out for it... My wife does not. She instead calls me out for being disrespectful to them because: we are at their house as guests or because they're older.

I have seen her correct her younger brother once before. But it was because he called me the equivalent of a nigger in Nicaraguan slang. So that's an extreme example

Of course, when he asked for money to avoid his car being repossessed like a month or 2 later... I told him No - I only have nigger money over here.

He found the money somewhere. And we actually get along well enough all these years later.
Hahahah nice move.

Your wife has a tough job. Correcting your parents in front of your husband is like showing no respect to your parents. It can come off like finding you more important than her parents.
It's just a difficult situation she's in. You can go and tell your parents off in front of your parents and don't expect it to escalate.
I think it's best if she talked to her parents alone about her and your issues on that matter.
Good luck with that, cause that still is a difficult talk.

You know what I don't understand Killa. They say your wife is smart has a really good job and thinks she makes more money than you. The why in the hell are they asking you who they openly mocked before for money? Shit makes no sense to me

killacross
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Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:53 pm

Haohmaru wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:37 pm

You know what I don't understand Killa. They say your wife is smart has a really good job and thinks she makes more money than you. The why in the hell are they asking you who they openly mocked before for money? Shit makes no sense to me
I'm a broken record at this point. IT'S CULTURAL DIFFERENCES. I don't need her to fight them for me. I will fight that battle EVERY SINGLE TIME it happens with me there. I can't control their thoughts.. Only influence their actions. If it becomes uncomfortable for them to shit talk with me there... They'll wait until I'm not there. When they eventually do it in front of my daughter... I'll make that uncomfortable too. What I need for her is to anticipate my behavior.. And not be angry/surprised when I react poorly.

Shit talking is perfectly acceptable in her family. (It's perfectly acceptable in my family too btw. I bristle with my parents because I remember my life.. Even if they want to pretend that because they've found Jesus... None of that history matters now. And I think I told you all about the falling out I had with them saying I'm only successful now because they kicked me out as a child. It gave me the drive to succeed. FOH!!)

So her family does it without thinking about it. The wives do it to their husband's all the time. But I never see my wife participate. The military sister's husband (he's a pacific islander) reacts the poorest or us all. The other sister's husband is Mexican and doesn't react at all. He doesn't care one bit. I react by sucking the energy out of the room and make them repeat, clarify and explain.

The reason the family thinks they can insult you.. Then ask for help is again cultural... If YOU have it... That means the FAMILY has it. Typically when a sibling needs something... They ask.. The other kids say no... They tell the parents... Then the parents make demands.

I've butted heads with the parents several times before. The siblings asked. I said no. The parents DEMANDED and I laughed. Then the family "punished" my wife with the silent treatment or guilt trips of "ever since you got married, you've changed".

Like I said.. I don't present my wife in a positive light when I only talk about the bad things. I don't do it with people in our real lives... But I vent to the nameless masses on this one internet forum I frequent.

Digital Masta
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Re: There we go

Post by Digital Masta » Wed Nov 17, 2021 1:02 pm

killacross wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:08 pm
Oh OK.. I missed that then. Yes, my inlaws are mad disrespectful at times. I call them out for it... My wife does not. She instead calls me out for being disrespectful to them because: we are at their house as guests or because they're older.

I have seen her correct her younger brother once before. But it was because he called me the equivalent of a nigger in Nicaraguan slang. So that's an extreme example

Of course, when he asked for money to avoid his car being repossessed like a month or 2 later... I told him No - I only have nigger money over here.

He found the money somewhere. And we actually get along well enough all these years later.
I only have nigger money...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

But really the disrespect was the main thing for me, all the stuff I wrote was basically addressing that main thing. Her scolding you for defending yourself is messed up, that's just my internet opinion which his worth nothing so...moving on.

And in regards to my gf, the woman wasn't exactly a random woman. She's this 22-year-old half black/half Japanese(speaks ZERO English, interesting story, her absent father gave her ALL the negro genes and doesn't look that Japanese at all) woman that contacted me because she's getting into modeling and she loved the photos I did of her model friend and wanted me to do photos for her. I don't particularly like photographing women alone so I asked my gf to be my assistant and to help me keep her engaged and all that. It was during the shoot as we were all talking (really the two of them, they hit it off) and they were talking about relationships and my gf asked what kind of bf she'd want and that's when she said someone like me (I suspect she has a bit of a crush on me).

The two of them are a little buddy, buddy now.

But me not wanting to be spoken poorly of isn't a cultural thing so much as it was a personal value of mine that I developed as an adult after years of seeing people shit on their significant other.
Haohmaru wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:37 pm

It can come off like finding you more important than her parents.
This might get me in trouble and sound fucked up...but he IS more important than her parents. This does NOT mean her parents are not important but in the grand scheme, (typically) parents are going to die long before you do and it's going to be you and your husband/wife in the end. Your kids will grow up and move out and it's just you and this other person, so yeah. That relationship is the priority.

I'm not the only person that believes this but I firmly think the order of priorities in a marriage goes like this:

1. (Assuming you're religious) God
2. Spouse
3. Children
4. Everyone else

I am not religious so for me it's:

1. Spouse
2. Children
3. Everyone else

Why is spouse number one? For the very reason I mentioned above, at the end of the day, they are the person you will be with at the end. Also, children's fundamental base for what constitutes a relationship is based on their parents' relationship. Meaning they come to understand what a relationship is by observing their parents. Therefore you want to show your kids a healthy relationship and to replace the role that your spouse is supposed to play with your children is unhealthy and terrible for kids.

Japan has a very bad culture of this where wives will just ignore their husbands entirely after having kids. The kids replace the husband and she doesn't care at all about him, dotting on her kids, losing herself in her kids and it's weird and unhealthy.

Also, this does not mean being a selfish prick and not thinking about your kids, but making sure your marriage is rock-solid comes first. If your marriage isn't rock-solid, then it is impossible for your relationship with your kids to be rock-solid as well.

^The above is not about killa's situation at all. It's just my general relationship thoughts.

killacross
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Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Wed Nov 17, 2021 2:23 pm

I know it's not a shot at me at all.. We're all good here

I see it as a husband/father...mynorder should be:

1. Wife
2. Children
3. Family
4. Friends
5. Everyone else

As a wife/mother I would think it should be:
1. Children
2. Husband
3. Family
4. Friends
5. Everyone else

... My wife switches #2 and 3. I don't like it.

Digital Masta
Posts: 720
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2019 10:56 pm

Re: There we go

Post by Digital Masta » Wed Nov 17, 2021 2:45 pm

killacross wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 2:23 pm
I know it's not a shot at me at all.. We're all good here

I see it as a husband/father...mynorder should be:

1. Wife
2. Children
3. Family
4. Friends
5. Everyone else

As a wife/mother I would think it should be:
1. Children
2. Husband
3. Family
4. Friends
5. Everyone else

... My wife switches #2 and 3. I don't like it.
If I were to expand out my "everyone else" to more categories it would be exactly the same as yours. I just put everyone that wasn't in spouse and children as everyone else because that group varies drastically depending on that person's life, a person who doesn't talk to their family because they're awful humans will have their friends higher and all that stuff. However, the first two should not.

Haohmaru
Posts: 134
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Re: There we go

Post by Haohmaru » Wed Nov 17, 2021 6:47 pm

Let me ask you this. Who's going to love you unconditionally?
If you're broke/drug addicted/cheat/fill in whatever. Who's still going to be there for you? Your mother.. most of them anyways.
You slip up with your wife and she's threatening about leaving you and what not (not directed at you Killa).
The only person who'll give you unconditional love is your mother imo.
Plus the fact that your mother birthed you, raised you and did everything to make your life as good as can be.
Compare that to a woman who's just barely been in your life for I don't know how many years.

That doesn't mean I don't agree with what you said DM. Your wife is very important. She's going to be the mother of your children and take care of them. She can still do all that and be number 2 on the list. You shouldn't compare yourself with anybody's parents imo. That's just my 2 cents.

xandorxerxes
Posts: 635
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Re: There we go

Post by xandorxerxes » Wed Nov 17, 2021 10:38 pm

I go away and miss y'all saying some crazy ass shit. Damnit.
Digital Masta wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 1:02 pm
1. Spouse
2. Children
3. Everyone else
1000x this (as someone who now has a daughter, even). DM hit the nail on the head - in the end, it's your relationship with your wife that matters. Children in general strain marriages, putting them before the relationship makes it worse. Children will pick up on that tension and normalize it. If you and your wife put each other first, they'll pick up on that and normalize it too.

Anecdote of one of the few things I remember from Psychology classes eons ago - when tracked for happiness, marriages with children generally were happy marriages until the happiness level nearly invariably suddenly dropped. 18-20 years later the happiness in the marriage picked up again. Children are shits.
Haohmaru wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:51 am
Call me primitive or whatever you want, but I wouldnt let it come to that. You're the man of the house. You should have the final word and thats it.
That's primitive (just because you asked us to). It's a mutual relationship. If that's the relationship you and your wife want to set up, that's on y'all, I'm not going to judge the relationship. That's not "respecting women" though, because see below.
I blame it all on the bullshit era we live in. Women think they're men and the men are acting less and less like a man.
Or, hear me out here - women think they deserve the same say as men and men say "OK, that's fair." If we wanted to frame that as respect... the woman says "we have the same capacity to make smart decisions, one of us shouldn't get to ignore the other just because of our gender." Note that the way I phrased that goes both ways - a woman wanting to have the final say because she's a woman can fuck off too.
Haohmaru wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 1:23 am
That doesn't mean I don't respect women. I grew up being thought (culturally and religiously) to respect women.
Religious texts (Quran or Bible) don't respect women. Stoning them to death because they're not a virgin? Designating their only worth as child-bearers? Pfff. Islam is better about that last part at least. Most religious people don't read their texts though, so I guess you'd say their religion is technically different. You know... like guns in church. Wtf was that.
Edit: typing this while driving and sleep deprived. So don't mind the typos and sleep drunk writing.
Thank you whoever invented adaptive cruise control.
Get the fuck off the road, holy shit.
killacross wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 9:42 am
"If I made/had as much money as you...This is what I'd do".
Well if no one else is going to... really though you should just do what I do because I'm me and not because of money or marriage or kids blah blah blah. You should always think "what would XX do?" Screw that Jesus guy. (/s)
Thickums
Edit to note: this isn't me talking down to you or telling you what to do. This is me presenting a way of thinking about things that I think you should consider if you haven't yet.

I think I mentioned it before, but I've been burned before the same way you just were. There's nothing intrinsically or morally wrong with what you did. You have your own stance, your wife has hers. You weren't in agreement, so the conflict happened. The root questions are... did you know her stance or think you had a good idea of it? Did you know there was conflict and did it anyways? Did you think there might be conflict but willingly didn't find out? Did you think there wouldn't be conflict?

I'm not saying we have to listen to our wives or obey their whims whenever they disagree with us. I'm saying both people in the relationship have their boundaries and we should know our respective partner's boundaries. How much is it worth it to push their boundaries? What about completely ignoring them? Does having the more intimate relationship with Thickums as opposed to a generically friendly relationship mean so much to you that it's worth crossing your wife's boundaries just because it's still within yours, or can you still have a relationship that's meaningful and fulfilling with Thickums without crossing your wife's boundaries around intimacy with other women? To clarify - I think you have the right, as a person, to do whatever you want in your mutual relationships other people's boundaries be damned. If that relationship with Thickums is worth it to you, then go for it. I'm sure as a whole you and your wife respect each other. What she did wasn't respectful, though I'd also argue it wasn't disrespectful since she talked to you privately instead of standing up for her family at the time of conflict, but you tolerate it because of her cultural background and that's a justification you're at least somewhat willing to accept. If your justification for your actions is "it's ok because I'm a man," that's not respectful either (I don't know if that's your justification, I'm just going off of some of the other posts).

Y'all talked it out like adults and now you're good - that's how marriage is supposed to work. Looking at you, San. I've been with my wife for almost 8 years and I can count on one hand the amount of serious disagreements we've had, and not because one of us caves to the other. Conflict shouldn't be a norm.

Also speaking as a divorced person who was able to understand his divorce and learn from it, I like to think my advice is worth at least something instead of disregarded just because I'm divorced!

I know you guys missed my text walls...

Digital Masta
Posts: 720
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2019 10:56 pm

Re: There we go

Post by Digital Masta » Wed Nov 17, 2021 11:17 pm

Haohmaru wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 6:47 pm
Let me ask you this. Who's going to love you unconditionally?
If you're broke/drug addicted
I am of the belief that 99% of parents share some level of the blame if their children end up drug-addicted so as a parent I probably question some past decisions I made or didn't make if my kids end up on drugs.
That doesn't mean I don't agree with what you said DM. Your wife is very important. She's going to be the mother of your children and take care of them. She can still do all that and be number 2 on the list. You shouldn't compare yourself with anybody's parents imo. That's just my 2 cents.
No woman on earth would tolerate a man that puts his parents (in particular his mother) number one on his list over her because her inherent female-spider-sense understands that this is bad for the future of their relationship. She can appreciate a man with a healthy relationship with his parents so long as it doesn't cross into her being shoved into the backseat. Which makes sense.

killacross
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Location: NC, USA

Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:06 am


Digital Masta
Posts: 720
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2019 10:56 pm

Re: There we go

Post by Digital Masta » Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:13 am

killacross wrote:
Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:06 am
I'm interested

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7v1BpX4Awxk
I am interested if Tobey and Andrew are in it and it looks like they are because towards the end Lizard is jumping at someone else, NOT MCU Spiderman so they were
likely edites out of the trailer. But fuck I really hate these smug ass teenager characters.

That line by "MJ" (easily the worst supporting character in MCU Spiderman and worst Spiderman love interest) to Strange and his response was so cringe.

killacross
Posts: 830
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Location: NC, USA

Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Thu Nov 18, 2021 9:52 am

xandorxerxes wrote:
Wed Nov 17, 2021 10:38 pm
Does having the more intimate relationship with Thickums as opposed to a generically friendly relationship mean so much to you that it's worth crossing your wife's boundaries just because it's still within yours, or can you still have a relationship that's meaningful and fulfilling with Thickums without crossing your wife's boundaries around intimacy with other women?
You sure did. And again, no offense taken at all. I'm of the generation that can handle online scrutiny, harassment, and people disagreeing with me

You did give that warning before. I was actually looking at this thread and it's funny how history repeats. Truthfully, you hit the nail on the head. Do I really need such closeness and intimacy with Ms Thickums if my wife is uncomfortable with it? My wife doesn't understand our friendship. My wife also doesn't understand how I can be so open and honest with someone who isn't her or isn't family. She also doesn't understand that I can be married and committed to one... while simultaneously attracted to another. Like I said.. I think her outlook on/understanding of life is too naive...

Haohmaru
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2020 4:13 am

Re: There we go

Post by Haohmaru » Thu Nov 18, 2021 10:17 am

@XX yeah but some women just deserve to be stoned to death. That's the most important thing we learn about women. How else are we going to punish our women when they do something wrong?

As for the respecting women thing.
Respecting her decisions is one thing. Being the one to have the final say or in other words being the alpha is another. You're basically saying you're okay with being a beta. That's good for you.
I don't see that working as an alpha male. Of course the wife should have a say, but when you're arguing everyday that means she is doubting your word everyday. And how does it come to that, because she thinks she can have the final word. In other words she also thinks she's also an alpha.

Also I was on a 80 km/h road at 2 am in the night with no other cars on the road with lain assist and adaptive cruise control. Only thing I had to worry about were the roundabouts.

@DM, if you slow down the video you can actually see the lizard getting punched in the face. They definitely cut out another spiderman out of the shot.
Also someone on YT made a good analysis for the trailer. At some point in the trailer you can see spiderman being thrown away by doc oc and there's webbing attached to Peter's feet. So someone else has shot web on his feet to pull back Peter.
There's s lot you can discover if you play it at 0.25 speed.
Last edited by Haohmaru on Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

killacross
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Location: NC, USA

Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Thu Nov 18, 2021 10:30 am

Continuing the story:

So a few days after the argument with her sisters. She asked me something along the lines of do I really believe what I said? About she is "lucky to have me?"

I said: #1. Don't take a single sentence out of the whole conversation and try to make an argument. #2. Yes.
We started talking about how the implication was that without her income, I would be poor or broke. She started talking partnership partnership partnership. So I stopped her. I said, you keep using this word "partnership"...but marriage is not a partnership. We are not partners -- we are a team. We have very specific skills and talents. We blend those together and work towards a common goal. I'm head of the household so I set the destination...her role is question "Is that the correct address?"...and then to help move us towards that target.

I asked her if she understood what I look for in a partner and why I married her? She gave me the typical answer of "she makes good money, she's strong, independent, and my equal" yada yada yada. This conversation was not really contentious, just eye opening.

The next wrinkle to all of this...she had started her job, we had moved, I was just starting my job. I was probably a week in at that point. A job posting was put up at my place in her field. She asked me if she should apply. I told her that it is too early for me to know anything about how the company operates; I don't know anyone in that dept. so couldn't answer any of her question...and also, I've told her before. I don't want to work with family. She was really offended by the last part. I told her that I have ALWAYS been that way -- since she first met me. She said that is not true. So I gave her countless examples of times I do not mix family with money. (Her family is heavily into construction. My parents own several rental homes. Her family needed some work, my parents needed some work done. BUT, I told them both hell no. My view is that A. Both are happy, B/C: Neither are happy, or D: Both are unhappy. My stance is there is only a 25% chance that it works out, so I don't make business decisions like that. She didn't understand because it's "family" and "family". Anyway...she goes into this thing about I have never supported her career. I asked "do you really want to have this fight in [the new city we moved to 1.5 hours away] NC?" She didn't have an answer...so she went off to cry. [Truthfully, I used to feel very shitty when she cried. But she cries so much, that I don't really react anymore. She has been coddled and baby'd for so long that she struggles to use her big girl words at times).

Anyway...this too became an issue because a month or so later...2 positions opened up at my company. A manager and an engineer. Guess who applied? MS THICKUMS. I told my wife about it....said "hey, funny enough, Ms Thickums applied for this job opening in my dept...", and asked me to look over her resume (after she already applied <_<). My wife cut me off and said that she did not want to hear about me helping someone with their resume, when I have NEVER helped her with hers. I said, our resumes are built on the same template...[seriously, our resumes are formatted identically because we did them together in college...and I proofread it periodically after updates for grammar and word choice [English is my wife's second language]]. So my wife said she did not want to hear another word about it. Anyway, with my push (mostly) and with her experience (she has experience, but her resume was TRASH), Ms Thickums will likely get the job. A week ago, my wife didn't really care. Now, she said that she is gonna be watching me. (I have a copy of the text that I sent to Ms Thickums, I knew I was gonna share it. Just out of time again. Should be next post)

Haohmaru
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2020 4:13 am

Re: There we go

Post by Haohmaru » Thu Nov 18, 2021 11:16 am

I agree with you on not working with family. Especially if it's family like hers.

The thick girl situation is a difficult one. Not because your wife a d her resume thing, but because of what happened before with thickums.
We dont know what kind of relationship you have with your wife and how your wife sees you.
Have you always being very social with everybody. Have you always talked with and been close with other women. There's a lot to take into account.
My nephew is a very sociable guy. He talks with everybody and is very likeable. He has this charm with women that makes them glue to him. I'm not exaggerating he can basically fuck any girl he wants. Not just because of his looks but because of his personality, his understanding of women and his charisma. His wife knows what kind of person he is since they went to college together. So when she sees her husband talking to other women or even texting other women for example a real estate agent who's fucking hot that helped him buy his new apartment. She really did go beyond what she needed to do.
His wife doesn't care. Cause at the end of the day she's with him and he doesn't cheat. He just gets a kick or good feeling from these women or whatever you want to call it.
Also he has shown her over and over again that she can trust him and what kind of guy he is.

killacross
Posts: 830
Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2019 7:00 am
Location: NC, USA

Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Thu Nov 18, 2021 11:35 am

So no. I'm not friendly at all. But I am incredibly charming if I want to be. I am incredibly manipulative if I want to be. I have a great memory and am really good at listening to people, cataloging the details they give, then extracting the info for a later date. People interpret that as me taking a personal interest in them...when in fact...it's just a skill I picked up when pursuing women, and polished when I was in commissioned sales

I say it often...I COULD WATCH PEOPLE DROWN!!

So I see it as I have 3 really good friends. My best friend [male], a former coworker [male], and Ms Thickums...

My wife isn't the jealous type. No real reason to be. I have talked to Ms Thickums randomly on the phone with my wife there before....and my wife wasn't jealous -- she just asked, "Why would you tell her that?"

Like I said...my feelings for Ms Thickums developed slowly and subtly. There was really no indicators for my wife to be jealous until she read THE LAST text message. Ms Thickums has said something similar....basically that she feels/felt invisible until I noticed her.
Last edited by killacross on Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Haohmaru
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2020 4:13 am

Re: There we go

Post by Haohmaru » Thu Nov 18, 2021 11:50 am

Okay so she knows your relationship with this woman. Build on that and work from there I guess.
You're a smart guy I'm sure you'll think of something. How can you make her believe it's just a professional relationship and someone who you talk to about marriage and stuff.
Still it's very tricky.
Cause let's be honest here. Do you trust yourself not to act on your new found feelings for her? If you don't even trust yourself how you gonna assure your wife to trust nothing's going on between you guys.

killacross
Posts: 830
Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2019 7:00 am
Location: NC, USA

Re: There we go

Post by killacross » Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:38 pm

She knows the relationship. She's questioned it before. Ms Thickums has said her husband has never questioned it.. But her sister has at one point. We text between hours that we would be at work... Very rarely on a weekend or after business hours. Not because we are being secretive... But just that we are protective of our personal time

My wife has only said you talk about her a lot. She has also asked if I had a crush on her. I said no (...because at the time that was true). Since then... She's never really been interested one way or the other. She knows that we talk about a lot of topics... But that I do not bad mouth my wife to her. She also knows that I wanted to blend our families. She said that she's not opposed to it... BUT that it's not happening anytime soon now.

I trust myself around her.. But it's also why I said I would never drink heavily around her. In the past, I'd make poor decisions and end up in tight, wet, warm situations. The funny part is that even though I've been with a lot of women, I've never cheated. I have been the other guy before. 9/10 I've ended things quickly after finding out. Only the 1 time did I give the girl several chances to leave. She didn't leave btw <_<

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