My friends, it is with great sadness that I come before you today bearing the news that our friend, Tony, has passed away. Details are sketchy, but witness testimony suggests that Tony was found face down on his bed, covered with anal lube, with the number "9" carved into his left ass cheek and a walking stick of some sort shoved into his rectum. Police are baffled, and will likely never catch the perpetrator. From this day forth, August 12th shall be the day on which we mourn Tony, but only this year, so make the most of it. Rest in piece, my foul-smelling friend.